It's not that I don't have anything to occupy me or something like that. I go to school 5 days a week usually for 6-8 hours at a time. The real problem lies within my lack of self control.
My problems started around this time last year when I was hit by a car, the itself wasn't of huge impact but mostly what came after. It eventually spiraled into lots of fights with my family, an eating disorder, leaving school for a year, depression and me getting put into a ward, months later. Any amount of outside help from social workers or shrinks did nothing for me. I met my wife somewhere along the road and since then I've been doing a lot better but it feels like I'm walking on thin ice with how fragile my mental health seems to be.
I'm doing better now but my bulimia still haunts me and whatever I seem to try or do I can't get fucking rid of it. My weight is basically a roller coaster, it goes up and down constantly, for example I'm 1,80cm; (5'11) couple months ago I was 85kg (187lbs) and then I went down to 71 (156), now going back up 76 (167).
When I got hit by the car I was 64 (141). This plays on my confidence greatly, I never feel like I'm enough. Also, I'm terribly ashamed of it, this being the first time that I'm acknowledging it in months. I'm just kinda tired of it all and really don't know what to do anymore at this point.>>10
20, was way worse when I was a little younger like 5-6 times a day worse